This fall, “single ladies” interested in ensnaring a man can take a course at St. Louis Community College, listed in the catalogue as “Girls’ Night Out:  “Marry Me Dishes.”

I stumbled onto this when the 2016 St. Louis Community College Continuing Education catalogue arrived in my mailbox. I’m not making this up. This is not an Onion story or a spoof. And if the course title wasn’t enough, things got even wackier when I read through the description. I can only hope that the course instructor wrote this with a wink, as a joke that we’d all get. But, living in Missouri as I do, and knowing how conservative some of our citizens are [We have a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage], I doubt that there’s any irony intended.

I invite you to judge for yourself. Here’s the verbatim wording of the class description. It’s listed, by the way, in the Personal Enrichment section of the catalogue. Read into that what you will…

Girls Night Out: “Marry Me Dishes”

Calling all single ladies! Say “goodbye” to the single lady status! Learn to prepare “marry me” dishes that will have him “put a ring on it!”  Start off the evening with a bacon-beer cheese dip that is perfect for his next tailgating event or home game party. We’ll prepare “marry me chicken”—a skillet Sicilian Chicken with a sun-dried tomato garlic-cream sauce that will impress your honey! Our lobster mashed potatoes will wow your man the next time you make his favorite steak. Finish off the night with the ultimate sweet for your sweetie—the deal-sealing “marry me” ultimate loaded chocolate chip cookies! There will be plenty of tasting plus you can take home any leftovers [bring a container]….

The class description doesn’t include this, but I wonder if participants will be climbing into a time machine and going back to 1956 during the 6:30 – 9:30 pm class period. That would seem to be a requirement, as the notion that “girls” need to attract men via their cooking skills is a giant leap backwards in social expectations.  [Not to mention that, according to this description, men like their steaks and have tailgating parties, while the women’s jobs, apparently, are to stay in the kitchen, anticipating their men’s needs, preparing their food, impressing them with their womanly cooking skills, and waiting for them to propose marriage.]

And, what if there’s a guy who likes to cook? Can he take this course? Who might he attract–gawd forbid?

The last time I saw a stereotype like this, it was written on the cover of my mother’s favorite cookbook [she’s 102 now, but it was her standby in our family’s kitchen.] Its title was: “The Settlement Cookbook: The Way to a Man’s Heart.”  It was first published in 1903.

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The controversy surrounding an event known to the internet as “Gamer Gate”, or “#gamergate,” if you prefer, has lead me to reflect on some common misconceptions about feminism.

For those unacquainted with the gamer subculture, this confusing and depressing series of events involves Zoe Quinn, a game designer who was unfaithful to a boyfriend with multiple journalists in the gaming industry. Her actions were met by a huge response from online gamers, who claimed to be crusading for journalistic integrity (allegedly Quinn slept with journalists for a better review, which seems to me a rather difficult accusation to substantiate), but who were in reality crusading for misogyny. It was a tremendously depressing experience for me, observing the absolutely toxic comments hurled at Quinn.

What do I mean by anti-feminism? It isn’t the anti-egalitarian philosophy of Phyllis Schlafly, though that is rather odious unto itself. I’m talking about the dark corners of the internet (Looking at you, Reddit) that function more or less as a way for disgruntled boys and men to vent about their negative experience with women, “sluts”, and feminists, whose supposed goal is simply power over men.

On Reddit, anti-feminist communities have begun to use terminology from The Matrix: “Brainwashed” pro-feminists have taken the “blue pill,” whereas men informed as to the sinister nature of feminism have taken the “red pill.” “Red pill” users are encouraged to adopt misogynist behavior, on the grounds that women enjoy subservient roles.

Now, I am no super-feminist. I can’t pontificate on topics like gender identity or the male gaze. I can’t quote Gloria Steinem or bell hooks or Audre Lorde. But I can grasp the simple principle behind feminism: That sex should not determine one’s future. That individuals should not be prohibited from life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness by the sexual organs they were granted at birth. In short, if you believe in equality, you are a feminist. Who could object to this? Unless one subscribes to nonsensical religious or pseudo-scientific explanations that women were meant to serve and not act, I cannot fathom a decent argument against feminism.

I suspect many of the “red pill” set are in actuality broken-hearted guys whose anger overwhelms their reason. This is why a lot of their arguments boil down to “I was hurt, therefore all women are bad.” In this capacity they are to be pitied as misguided, rather than insulted as “butt-hurt” fedora-wearers.

We must also concede that just as sometimes the internet brings out the worst in men, it sometimes too brings out the worst in feminists. There are dozens of blogs out there with mean-spirited takes on feminism that regard any sort of dissent as pure evil. However, the toxic minority should not dissuade us from adhering to fundamentally good principles. Religious people do not let fanatics ruin their belief. When a politicians are caught in a scandal, we don’t allow ourselves to become cynical about their ideas and policies. The same should go for feminism. Maybe you read a Tumblr post by a feminist that you didn’t like; this in no way invalidates the idea that gender should not determine one’s future.

As the socialist George Orwell once wrote in The Road to Wigan Pier, “As with the Christian religion, the worst advertisement for Socialism is its adherents,” but that these adherents do not disprove the original ideas. We should feel the same way about feminism. Upon the realization that there is no feminist mafia hellbent on male castration, one is presented with a fairly simply choice: Believe in equality of opportunity, a concept that should appeal to most across the political spectrum, and you are a feminist. Do not, and you are not a feminist. The rest is detail.

The post Anti-feminism on and off the internet: Thoughts about #gamergate appeared first on Occasional Planet.

“The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.” Heck yeah. As of August 26th, 2014 it will have been 94 years since that beautiful sentence helped us further the feminist cause for women’s rights.

The Women’s Rights Movement started (officially) in 1848 with the Seneca Falls Convention and Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott joining forces with Susan B. Anthony to petition for women’s suffrage. It wasn’t until 1920, though, that the amendment received the 2/3 majority ratification by the states to become a national amendment. It took, however, another 64 years for the other 12 states (Mississippi being the last) to adopt the amendment.
In honor of this glorious feminist anniversary, here’s a compilation of some of the best things I’ve seen about women, feminism, misogyny, and how to spark your feminism.

First things first: A Beginner’s Guide to Contemporary Feminist Language Sometimes it’s hard to admit- especially to an intimidatingly hard-core feminist- that you don’t quite understand what intersectionality, transmisogyny, or SWERF is. This article can help.

We’re privileged. Somehow, we are privileged. So, sometimes it’s hard to notice that maybe we aren’t oppressed and don’t face systemic discrimination, but it’s a very real aspect of our society in certain instances. So here’s Why We Need Feminism. and Why Men Need Feminism, too.
Having a role-model for your beliefs can help you accept your own wishes. These 17 Famous Women on What Feminism Means to Them can help.

History is definitely an ally when beginning your adventure into feminism; these little-known 100 Inspiring Women Who Made History can help you out (and another one for good measure).

A big part of feminism today is unity–gaining solidarity with people of all walks of life. Here are some tips on How to Work with Muslim Women; the intersection of Race and Feminism, Women of Color, and how Feminism and LGBTQIA are One and the Same, and What You Can Do To Help.

Embrace your femininity with these 21 Inspiring Quotes Every Woman Needs in Her Life (featuring the intelligence and sparkling wit of Margaret Thatcher, Emma Stone, Charlotte Bronte, Malala Yousafzai, and Beyonce among others)
If you’re looking for something a little more long-term to help inspire you, these 15 books can help you Spark Your Feminist Awakening

We all know humor is the best way to convey seriousness about problems (think Saturday Night Live and the Colbert Report), so here are 19 Tumblr Posts on Misogyny and 31 Tumblr Posts on Being a Woman Today
Maybe you’ve heard of the new movement by some feminists to ban the word “bossy when referring to women. Well, here are 20 more Words That Are Only Ever Used to Describe Women (warning: there are some ladies showing off their middle finger in the GIFs). I mean have you ever described a dude as “bubbly” or “ditzy” or “high-maintenance”? Didn’t think so.

As with the last, irritation at a cultural norm can have a unifying effect. Lot’s of women are tired of hearing these 23 things. Are you?

The post Women’s rights: 94 years and still counting appeared first on Occasional Planet.

Photographs of young, privileged white women holding handwritten signs about why they “don’t need feminism” have been circulating the internet this week, showing up in my Facebook newsfeeds daily. I’ve made concerned posts and comments regarding the issue – pointing out that women (and men, for that matter) who claim they don’t need feminism are like individuals who feel that they don’t “need” turn signals.

Feminism isn’t about you. It’s about the equality of the collective. You’re right, conservative 20-something hiding behind your computer screen: You don’t “need” to be a part of the feminist movement in 2014. Women before you have been bending over backwards over the past 100 years so you can vote, drive a car, and plaster your inane anti-feminist sentiments all over the internet, for that matter. Thanks to feminism, you enjoy basic human rights in the United States.

Is there still a long way to go? Clearly. Gender equality is far from being reached in this country. But as long as you can live comfortably in one of the richest countries in the world—who cares about women in third world countries? Who cares about rape victims? Why should you care if another human being faces debilitating discrimination on a daily basis because of her genitals?

But enough sarcasm, because there is one compelling reason you should care. You do need to be a feminist—it is part of being a decent human being.

The feminist movement seems to be full of apologies this week—pointing out that the actions and words of a few extremists don’t equal the sentiments of the movement of a whole. This attitude is quite troubling. There is no such thing as an “extreme” feminist, because equality, by definition is not “extreme.” Are there people out there who use the word “feminism” as an excuse to blindly adopt hatred towards the male demographic? In every movement, you will find wolves in sheep’s clothing. But no matter how convincing, a wolf will never be a “sheep.” Likewise, anyone who isn’t fighting for the equality of men and women isn’t a feminist.

Women who claim that they don’t need feminism are simply ignorant. One such woman claimed that the reason she refused to identify with the movement was because she “respected men.” If she truly respected men, then she would work toward equality, because that promotes respect towards both genders and breaks down stereotypes that are unfair and oppressive to both men AND women.

Another woman pointed out that she didn’t “feel oppressed.” That’s the problem. She’s been born and raised in a society in which inequality is the norm. Of course she doesn’t feel oppressed: Oppression has become so ingrained into her daily life that it flies under the radar, swallowed by the masses.

Perhaps one of the most infuriating trends among the women identifying as “anti-feminist” were the words “I’m not a victim.” Because these women are victims of something darker and more sinister than they could even comprehend. Anyone parading around as an “anti-feminist” is a victim of extreme ignorance. To reject equality is to reject the foundation of human rights.

So, to the women claiming to be anti-feminists: You don’t think you “need” feminism – but you’re the reason the rest of us do.

The post In response to “Women Against Feminism” appeared first on Occasional Planet.

I think by this point we all know I think feminism is absolutely fantastic- I mean, women’s empowerment is human empowerment! And I think we should all celebrate it and praise it to everyone we meet and be super excited and scream it from rooftops and shout it on radio stations and paste it like literally everywhere and just feminism out everything…

But some people take it too far- and you know based on that last statement that it really is too far– by capitalizing on that and using feminism to make themselves money. Female empowerment should not be a gimmick for your company to sell more shampoo or makeup or chocolate or whatever you’re actually advertising.

As much as I like Pantene’s #ShineStrong movement and the videos they have put out for it, I feel it detracts from the message to end all the “feel good and be brave and you and more power to you” with “and then come buy our shampoo and make your hair look gorgeous so all the men in your life can see you powerfully whip your hair.” Excuse me; what?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOjNcZvwjxI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzL-vdQ3ObA

Ditto, Covergirl’s #GirlsCan and Nike Women’s Voices

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1ighxU1vYw

I guess Verizon is slightly better for not advertising makeup or shampoo or other make yourself beautiful for the guys products, but still, Verizon isn’t “Inspiring Her Mind” with their phones, so they shouldn’t be advertising feminism as a product they’re selling.

Ditto Always’ #LikeAGirl

Don’t get me wrong, I think all the videos are absolutely fantabulous. I love that Verizon wants more women in STEM fields; that Always wants “‘run like a girl’ to also win the race;” that Pantene wants women to stop apologizing for who they are and for the world to stop double standards and labels that demean women; that Nike wants women to not fear the criticism of their male colleagues; that Covergirl wants to show that women can do anything and everything they want. I just don’t think it should all be in the name of “help us make us money.”

On the other hand, Snickers tried (maybe) to empower women with this commercial, but fell terribly far from the mark. Really? Are you (Snickers) saying men, when normal, could never shout empowering and positive things to women- that men, in their natural state, are actually just degrading catcallers? Well great job, then, Snickers, for demeaning men and women in just one minute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSO_525Cuzw

At the same time, at least they’re trying. Hardee’s obviously isn’t. It looooves objectifying women. And Axe, too. Axe’s entire campaign for its body spray is that if men wear Axe, they’ll get hundreds of scantily clad women flocking to them from across oceans.

So thank you, companies celebrating feminism, even if you’re doing it in a slightly flawed manner. And companies that treat women like pieces of meat (with breasts), up yours..

The post Capitalizing on confidence appeared first on Occasional Planet.

I was walking down the hallway of my high school, casually reading the instruction sheet for my upcoming graduation when something stopped me in my tracks. My mouth twisted in outrage and I shook my head silently. What little phrase had caused such utter frustration?

“Females – dress or skirt (no shorts or slacks.)”’

This little pink piece of paper made me angry. Because I was in possession of a vagina, I wasn’t allowed to have material between my legs. Because society labeled me as “female” I wasn’t allowed to make decisions for my own body. Because at my own high school graduation I was going to be defined by my sex organs and not my accomplishments.

As the proud owner of several Hillary Clinton-esque pant suits, I was already planning on wearing formal slacks to graduation. However – because I was not in possession of male genitalia I was going to be denied the privilege to chose what I could and could not use to cover my body.

Time and time again in the patriarchy in which we live, women are being denied the right to make choices for their own body. As I stated to a teacher minutes after receiving the form “It’s the 21st century – you’d think we’d stop corseting women into sexualized roles and clothing.”

I was very vocal that day – expressing my thoughts to anyone who would listen. Several people commented that I chose to wear a dress the day I received the form – and therefore my position was hypocritical. However – they missed a crucial piece of information – wearing a dress had been my personal CHOICE that day- not a preordained and sexist demand of a patriarchal institution.

A few minutes of internet research validated what I had already suspected – the school’s inane “rule” was actually illegal. Title IX forbids public schools from making gender specific dress codes. Forcing young adults to conform to a gender binary is not only close-minded, but highly offensive and inappropriate.

My school isn’t the only place in the country stripping young women of the right to make choices for their own bodies – in fact, it’s not the only place in St. Louis. A number of private schools in the area such as MICDS and Visitation Academy have young women wear floor-length white gowns for graduation – which families purchase at bridal shops, often costing several thousand dollars.

On the day when high school students symbolically pass from childhood to adulthood – we’re telling girls that their “adulthood” or “future” is going to consist of an archaic and oppressive gender schema. We’re labeling them as “brides” and teaching them that it’s not their education that’s valuable – it’s their ability to be a wife.

I’m not opposed to women wearing dresses or being feminine – however, I am diametrically opposed to institutions forcing females to wear bridal gowns. This attitude towards women is something I had hoped our country had outgrown in the 60s and 70s.

Not only was it illegal for my high school to demand that I wear a dress – it was evident of a dangerous attitude towards gender that still permeates our country. The desire to force people into neat little defined boxes implies that gender isn’t fluid – an assertion that flies into the face of modern science and psychology and directly contradicts the general consensuses in those respective fields.

Someone asked me the other day why we still needed feminism. They argued that feminism was “no longer relevant” because women had achieved objective equality in their eyes. However, until a woman is allowed to make choices for her own body – objective equality has not been reached.

Situations such as gender specific dress codes prove to me that feminism is still relevant – and today, society needs it more than ever.

The post Graduation rules for girls: Another reason for feminist outrage appeared first on Occasional Planet.

“Rape is a horrific crime, and rapists are despised”…. supposedly. Hopefully, that line causes you some outrage—a little indignation. If it didn’t, well, then, case in point.

The problem is that we pay a lot of lip service to how abhorrent rape is, however we as a society have a tendency to systematically treat it with levity, if we don’t just sweep it under the proverbial rug. Rape pervades the music we enjoy, the jokes we laugh at, the media entertainment we enjoy, everything. And we don’t even notice it anymore. What could be stronger evidence than our general desensitization to the atrocities of rape?

Defining rape culture

According to the Marshall University Women’s Center, “Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.” By definition, we live in a rape culture society.

Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. Rape culture affects every woman.  The rape of one woman is a degradation, terror, and limitation to all women. Most women and girls limit their behavior because of the existence of rape. Most women and girls live in fear of rape. Men, in general, do not. That’s how rape functions as a powerful means by which the whole female population is held in a subordinate position to the whole male population, even though many men don’t rape, and many women are never victims of rape. This cycle of fear is the legacy of rape culture.

Convinced yet? Zerlina Maxwell asked in her TIME magazine article:

Is 1 in 5 American women surviving rape or attempted rape considered a cultural norm? Is 1 in 6 men being abused before the age of 18 a cultural norm? These statistics are not just shocking, they represent real people. Yet, these millions of survivors and allies don’t raise their collective voices to educate America about our culture of rape because of fear. Rape culture is a real and serious, and we need to talk about it. Simply put, feminists want equality for everyone, and that begins with physical safety.

Consider this, too. According to an analysis by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), 97% of rapists never spend a single day in jail for their crimes. But statistics take the emotion out of the heart-wrenching facts. So, Maxwell also detailed her own tragic encounter with rape and rape culture.

“You were drinking, what did you expect?”

Those were the first words that I heard when I went to someone I trusted for support after my roommate’s boyfriend raped me eight years ago. When I came forward to report what happened, instead of support, many well-meaning people close to me asked me questions about what I was wearing, if I had done something to cause the assault, or if I had been drinking. These questions about my choices the night of my assault — as opposed to the choices made by my rapist — were in some ways as painful as the violent act itself. I had stumbled upon rape culture: a culture in which sexual violence is the norm and victims are blamed for their own assaults.

“Victims are blamed for their own assaults.” I initially found that hard to believe, too. We are an intelligent, well-developed, civilized society; we would never blame the victim, right?

Wrong.

Voices of rape culture

●       The cold, foggy weather is like a rape, and ”if it’s inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.” -Clayton Williams, Texas gubernatorial nominee (March 1990)

●       “I would hope that when a woman goes into a physician [for an abortion], with a rape issue, that that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage, or was it truly caused by rape.”-Chuck Winder, Idaho candidate for US Senate (March 2012)

●       “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, [pregnancies from rape are] really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” -Todd Akin, Missouri Senate (March 2012)

●       “I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God, and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”  –Richard Mourdock, Indiana candidate for the U.S. Senate (Oct. 2012)

●        “Some girls rape easy” -Roger Rivard, a state representative in Wisconsin (Oct. 2012)

●       Rape is just “another method of conception.” -Paul Ryan (January 2013)

There are more, but I can’t go on. It’s too repulsive. Consider this, though: If our politicians, representatives of us and of our country, make these “speech errors,” even after careful pruning and refining their every word, what about the rest of us?

Pardon another rant against Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” but rape victims themselves call the lyrics of the song “from the mouths of rapists.” That’s right. The blockbuster song exemplifies rapes. Please check out the link, and then delete the song from your playlists if you can.

Think about Law and Order SVU. Granted, it’s nice to see the bad guys get caught and thrown behind bars, but it gives us the misconception that a) rape only happens to women b) rapists are usually strangers c) rapists don’t wander our streets, because rapists get caught, and rapists get convicted.The fact that we are so disillusioned and so very desensitized to rape lends credence to the fact that we do live in a rape culture, no matter how much we hate to believe it.

Rape culture is when…

Maxwell created a Twitter hashtag #RapeCultureIsWhen to “spark a public dialogue about rape culture and shift the conversation away from the myths that shame so many survivors into silence. This conversation is meant to be a tool to educate people about what rape culture is, how to spot it, and how to combat it…. The following statements are made up of contributions to the #RapeCultureIsWhen hashtag, as well as the myriad personal stories of survivors with the courage to speak out:”

Rape culture is when women who come forward are questioned about what they were wearing.

Rape culture is when survivors who come forward are asked, “Were you drinking?”

Rape culture is when people say, “She was asking for it.”

Rape culture is when the mainstream media mourns the end of the convicted Steubenville rapists’ football careers and does not mention the young girl who was victimized.

Rape culture is when cyberbullies take pictures of sexual assaults and harass their victims online after the fact, which in the cases of Audrie Pott and Rehtaeh Parsons tragically ended in their suicides.

Rape culture is when, in 31 states, rapists can legally sue for child custody, if the rape results in pregnancy.

Rape culture is when college campus advisers tasked with supporting the student body, shame survivors who report their rapes. (Annie Clark, a campus activist, says an administrator at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill told her when she reported her rape, “Well… Rape is like football, if you look back on the game, and you’re the quarterback, Annie… is there anything you would have done differently?”)

Rape culture is when colleges are more concerned with getting sued by assailants than by supporting survivors. (Or at Occidental College, where students and administrators who advocated for survivors were terrorized for speaking out against the school’s insufficient reporting procedures.)

Maxwell advises that we stop teaching women how “not to get raped” and start teaching men not to rape. Because that’s rape culture.

The Marshall University Women’s Center similarly includes these societal norms as examples of rape culture:

●       Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)

●       Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)

●       Sexually explicit jokes (“Don’t drop the soap!”)

●       Tolerance of sexual harassment

●       Inflating false rape report statistics

●       Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history

●       Gratuitous gender violence in movies and television

●       Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive

●       Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive

●       Pressure on men to “score”

●       Assuming that only promiscuous women get raped

●       Assuming that men don’t get raped, or that only “weak” men get raped

●       Refusing to take rape accusations seriously . A new study suggests thatpolice systematically undercount rape reports.

Combating rape culture

●       Avoid using language that objectifies or degrades women

●       Speak out if you hear someone else making an offensive joke or trivializing rape

●       If a friend says she has been raped, take her seriously and be supportive

●       Think critically about the media’s messages about women, men, relationships, and violence

●       Be respectful of others’ physical space even in casual situations

●       Always communicate with sexual partners, and do not assume consent

●       Define your own manhood or womanhood.  Do not let stereotypes shape your actions.

●       Get involved! Join a student or community group working to end violence against women.

The post Rape culture: Defining it, acknowledging it, working to end it appeared first on Occasional Planet.

“Dressing up means wearing a dress,” she said. “It means you put on a dress or skirt, high heels, and some makeup and you look good. AND, ladies, you’re not going clubbing; you’re skirt needs to reach past your fingertips when your arms are down.”

The National Honor Society members were supposed to dress up for induction of the new members, and I was astonished and confounded by non-inclusion of dress pants. I had turned to ask my friend why in the world none of the girls were wearing pants. That was her response to me in an imitation of our National Honor Society advisor.

Needless to say, I didn’t appreciate the insinuations. At all.

I’ve actually been told something fairly similar multiple times through the course of the past few weeks. It’s graduation season, and that means Honors Nights, Induction Ceremonies, Graduations, and all kinds of other flamboyant events we’ll all forget about in a few years. But I won’t forget the dress code. Nope. I’m much too riled up for that.

Let’s pick it apart one by one by one.

1. Since when does “dressing up” mean a dress???? The guys don’t have to wear dresses! And if they did show up in dresses, I bet most parents and teachers would throw a fit about how they were mocking school protocol or corrupting the youth or something equally preposterous and then refuse to let them participate in the ceremony! So then that rule only applies to females… which is simply antediluvian and antiquated.

2. Oh thank you so much for permitting us skirts. I suppose it would be too much to ask if we could wear pants? I forgot those were reserved for XY- individuals. My mistake. (Yeah, I’ll be wearing pants, thank you very much).

3. I really love high heels, I do, but I abhor this implication that they are the only shoes fit for women to wear. I will wear sandals or flats or wedges or plain old sneakers if I so choose and I will still participate.

4. I think we ought to be confident enough in ourselves not to need to don five pounds of makeup every time we leave the house. I mean teenage girls are inundated with calls for us to “love ourselves” and be “proud of our bodies” whatever they may look like (in order to counter the mass-media perception of women as big-breasted, small-waisted know-nothings). I can understand that yes, the theater lights will probably make us look fairly washed out and pasty and therefore a little makeup may perhaps do us some good, but the implications of what we were told was not necessarily that, but rather that we cannot look good without makeup- that women are incapable of being attractive without primer, foundation, concealer, rouge, eyeshadow, kohl, blush, eyeliner, bronzer, highlighter, brow pencils, tweezing, waxing, bleaching, plucking, tanning, dieting… Need I go on?

I want to address one more thing: a misconception about feminism. Yes, feminism is about breaking gender stereotypes (as I have already espoused)- in fact it’s about a complete obliteration of even the concept of gender stereotypes. That means girls can wear camo pants and guys can wear pink skirts if they want. That does not in any relate to homosexuality or heterosexuality or anything of that sort. Believe it or not, I have heard that argument against feminism as well. Feminism simply advocates for gender equality. That may often lead feminists to accept all people- homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, black, white, asian, and everything in between- but there are plenty of people with “stringent” beliefs in other areas.

Resuming my rant:

5.   Perhaps I’m just a prude, but I am perpetually astonished by the fact that people have to be reminded to cover themselves up in public- that guys have to be told not to sag their pants and show off their boxers and girls have to be explicitly told the minimum length of their hemline. Well, first off, do you know where the custom of sagging originated? Prisons. Men in prisons trying covertly to inform other prisoners of their homosexuality (that’s also where “swag” comes from; it stands for “Secretly We Are Gay”). Secondly, ladies, like the gentlemen, we too need to be aware of the messages we are sending with our clothing. There’s a lot that will be said about a woman’s morals, religiousness, intelligence, personality, “easiness,” etc. just by the way she presents herself (men, too, but predominantly women). I’m not saying it’s a good thing or an honorable thing or anything we should necessarily encourage; I’m simply saying it’s a fact of life.

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The other day, I overheard a conversation between a teacher and a few students; they were “discussing” another teacher who apparently allowed her four or five year old son to wear dresses and play with dolls. I should be clearer: when I say “discuss,” I mean condemning. They tried to put on a little act and brush it off as just being “weird,” but their words dripped with scorn, and they didn’t try very hard to conceal their revulsion. Then again, neither did I. At them.

The teacher was actually one for whom I have enormous respect, but this was simply not one of his best moments. According to him, our school district only allows staff members to voice one opinion of such behaviors (complete acceptance, I assume), a fact which he thinks is unconstitutional and “un-American.” Needless to say, I disagree entirely. If the school district is forcing teachers and administrators to harbor tolerance for students breaking gender roles and social constructs, then good for them. They managed to do something beneficial for once. Good. I mean there are laws that deny people the right to oppress other people; that’s egalitarianism, and that’s American. Breaking social norms and not letting society dictate your acceptable behavior. That’s American.

As far as I’m concerned, the entire idea of gender roles is absolutely preposterous. All they do is tell people what they can and cannot do. Manly. Ladylike. Disgusting. Repulsive. Heinous. It’s defining the capacity and limiting the abilities and behaviors of an entire population based purely upon a biological predisposition. Sounds unfortunately reminiscent of Jim Crow, no? Yes, obviously the level of oppression is not equivalent, but it the same basis of inequality and utter infatuation with the idea that some physical feature defines capacity.

I especially concern myself with the ridiculous notion of what is “ladylike,” mainly because it is what most directly affects me. The entire concept that women must be prim and proper is ludicrous. As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich best said, “Well behaved women seldom make history.” The idea, then, that women must constantly act in a dignified manner is simply another means of keeping women “in their place,” which, I suppose, is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making their darling- and apparently badly-behaved husbands a sandwich.

And men? They are forced to be constantly infatuated with their own sense of masculinity lest they lose it in a bout of softness that society deems too effeminate. They face—as women do—a constant barrage of idealized, Photoshopped celebrities from the media telling them what “real men” look like, and what they should aspire to be.

And what if they break it? If someone does something outside what is concerned socially acceptable for their gender, then what? Societal condemnation? Public censure? Our society is hypocritical if it says its members can be whoever they want to be, believe whatever they want, and act in any way they so choose, because it’s a “free country,” and then turns around and tells them they are inferior—that because they choose to blur the dictatorial lines between two groups they deserve the support of neither.

Consider the plights of African-Americans during the Jim Crow era who considered themselves worthy to associate with those outside their race and social class. Isn’t that systematic belittling the same as what that little boy faces because he acts outside the preconceived boundaries of his gender?

So, if the school district has to regulate what teachers let loose in front of their students, so be it. If this is the only way to stop this infection of iniquity and present at least one source of information that doesn’t belittle students for their refusal to abide by societal standards and one front offering solely unwavering acceptance, so be it. Soon, that little boy will succumb to the narrow-mindedness of our society anyway and grow up to perpetuate the idea that our sex defines our capacities. Let him live freely now, at least, and enjoy the bliss of childhood naivete when fear of public censure does not stifle him.

So. while those students scoffed sarcastically s they said, “Good parenting, Ms. ——,” I didn’t. That is good parenting. That’s being more concerned with who your child wants to be than who society thinks you child should be. That’s letting your child be happy, not just saying you hope he is, while preventing him from being so.

[Editor’s note: For younger readers who weren’t around to see it when it was originally created, here is a song from “Free to Be You and Me” that satirizes the boys-playing-with-dolls, gender-roles controversy from the 1970s. The voices are Alan Alda and Marlo Thomas.]

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It saddens me that feminism has come to be associated with elderly Cat Ladies condemning the oppressive institution of matrimony in their solitary existence, and bra-burning hippies denouncing the constriction of monogamy, and with immodest women vending their wares for the world while justifying it as having the morals of a man, and ruthless high-high-heeled business moguls viciously beating out their male counterparts in bouts of reverse sexism.

That’s not feminism. That’s cynicism, psychedelic trances, immodesty, and reverse-anot upon the fronts of masculinity and femininity, but of humanity. Feminism is women being equals to men because they are human. Feminism is believing you don’t have to prostitute yourself to be value, because you are worth as much as any human. Feminism is having human morals. Feminism is human equality.

We, as a society, have universally condemned the Victorian Eras of Wuthering Heights and Middlemarch, as sexist, chauvinistic, oppressive, and generally anti-women, in order to champion women’s suffrage. We agree that until the early twentieth century, women were degraded and treated as inferiors. But is twenty-first century America really that much different than sixteenth century America?

Take a look at these quotes. Which comes from the 19th century and which from the 21st?

“Women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it… is narrow-minded [and] thoughtless to condemn them… if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.”

 

“To all my second string bitches trying to get a baby… now you talkin’ crazy.” “Hurry up with my damn massage/ Get the Porsche out the damn garage.”

Perhaps the eloquent prose of the first and the deplorable grammar and vulgarity of the second gave away the answer, but that is a different complaint all together. The content of the first is more likened to modern thinking than the degradation of the second is, yet the truth is our media and music more frequently contain messages resembling Kanye West’s 2013 piece than Jane Eyre (1847). Consider that if any unfortunate child was to be exposed to such music as the second quotation, the message they would readily absorb is that women are good for nothing but sex and housework. If it’s no longer permissible to talk about women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, why is it permissible to talk about them like servants and prostitutes? If you think about it like that, we have actually devolved in our thinking of women.

If you need another example, consider Robin Thicke’s highly popular “Blurred Lines.” If you were fortunate enough not to have heard this degrading song, these lyrics should sum it up:

“Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain’t bad as you,

So hit me up…. I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two… Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you.

He don’t smack that ass and pull your hair like that…

Not many women can refuse this pimpin’.”

In case that didn’t quite repulse you, let me just explain his music video (I humbly request you not watch the video if you have any iota of respect for women). It consists of four and a half minutes of naked women strutting past Robin Thicke and his cohorts as they ogle their breasts and dance around them. The women take great pains to seem appreciative of their “attentions.” The men seem to really enjoy themselves. Disgusting.

Continuing to examine modern music, it’s not just male pop stars that treat women as pieces of meat hawked to the highest bidder. Females permit this to continue.

“Are you gonna stay the night? Doesn’t mean we’re bound for life… Come pour yourself all over me.”

Hayley Williams sings in an acknowledgment that women are only appreciable when used for casual sex; she uses her body as the only means to maintain a relationship, essentially telling men it’s okay to think women are good for nothing but sex because women think the same thing. Perhaps Ms. Williams and Mr. West would get on swimmingly.

Lady Gaga, generally known for her antics and self-confidence, seems to surrender on this front as well. Her song “Do What U Want” takes a slightly more feminist approach, but still is largely conducive to permitting men to be womanizers (more on that term later).

“You can’t stop my voice cuz you don’t own my life, but do what you want with my body. Do what you want with my body.”

While, yes, some of her lyrics seem to show a certain resilience and refusal to become an object (as opposed to a human being with feelings), most of it—to a casual listener, at least—seems to be resigned to men using women for nothing but their bodies. For other demeaning songs, see “Get Lucky,” “Suit and Tie,” “Where Have You Been,” “You Make Me Feel,” “Come and Get It,” or (unfortunately) simply tune in to your local radio station.

Just to emphasize the “modern” sentiment, let’s revisit 1920 thoughts with Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence.

“I’m sick of the hypocrisy… Women ought to be free- as free as we [men] are.”

In case all that seems too objective, let’s look at some cold, hard facts, too.

• The United States ranks 79th worldwide in female representation in our political system; looking at non-white women, the statistics take another turn for the dismal.
• In 2006, researchers from the University of Maryland set up fake online accounts in chat rooms. On average, feminine usernames received 100 sexually explicit or threatening messages a day to masculine names’ 3.7.
• The term “womanize” literally translates to “to make womanly.” It is most commonly used to describe men who have casual sex with many women. Putting two and two together, a woman must have casual sex to be a “woman” according to linguistic society.
• According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics in 2008, only 6.5% of state police officers and 19 percent of FBI agents were women.
• When a man “gets” a woman that means he has successfully caused her to renounce all claims of a relationship with any other man. This is also his “conquest.”

Before concluding, I’d simply like to say that I am not in any way advocating women’s superiority or innate moral supremacy. Nor am I proposing that our society treat women as “more” than men or the entirely opposite side of the spectrum from Robin Thicke, which would result in validation of Camille Paglia’s claim that “educated culture routinely denigrates masculinity and manhood.” I am simply advocating true feminism (see second paragraph) and looking to expose a certain double standard and hypocrisy in our society, both of which are personal pet peeves.

I apologize for the obscenity in this piece as I personally oppose such vulgarity, but I did not want to dilute the repulsion through censorship. I felt a completely accurate depiction could only be achieved without any “sanitizing.

For more startling anecdotes on the unfair treatment of women, see Amanda Hess’s “Why Women Aren’t Welcome on the Internet.”

If you need a little cleansing laugh from the disgust of some of the song lyrics or statistics may have created, see How to Deal With a Mansplainer: Starring Hillary Clinton” for some female empowerment (definition of mansplaining here).

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