No, I wasn\u2019t sentenced; despite a handful of speeding tickets, I have managed to avoid the caprices of the criminal justice system.\u00a0 I went to visit a friend, who is now beginning his 30th year as a guest of the State of Missouri, courtesy of its taxpaying citizens.\u00a0 For the purposes of this essay, I will refer to him as my \u201cfriend\u201d and I\u2019ll call the person who accompanied me on the trip my \u201ccompanion.\u201d<\/p>\n

Following are a few reflections on the visit, a couple of helpful hints for those who might undertake such a trip in the future, and some thoughts about the way we administer justice in this country.<\/p>\n

First, be aware of your underwear.\u00a0 I had been warned that underwire bras will frequently set off the prison security system, so I selected another undergarment that day.\u00a0 My companion had been warned, too, but she forgot.\u00a0 This resulted in a mini striptease in the front seat of the car on the interstate; fortunately, my companion was not behind the wheel.\u00a0 Despite her contortionist efforts, she still set off the security alarm, thanks to either her watch or earrings.\u00a0 But it\u2019s easier to remove your jewelry than your bra in the visitors\u2019 center.<\/p>\n

Second, be aware that some rules just don\u2019t make sense.\u00a0 For example, cell phones are not allowed in prisons.\u00a0 That means just what it says.\u00a0 You can\u2019t even have a cell phone in your purse, which is secured in a locker in the visitors\u2019 anteroom.\u00a0 You can\u2019t have anything on your body other than your clothes, and the fewer of those the better (see previous reference to bras).\u00a0 You can\u2019t wear a jacket or a sweater. You can\u2019t have a tissue in your pocket, even if your nose is dripping.\u00a0 You can\u2019t have a pencil or a piece of paper to make a note.\u00a0 The only thing you can have is a small plastic bag filled with quarters, which can be used to purchase drinks or snacks from the vending machines in the visiting room.\u00a0 Prisoners are not allowed to insert quarters into the vending machines; a bright yellow line on the floor indicates that they must stand about two feet away from the machines.\u00a0 My friend told us what he wanted to drink; we had to put the quarters into the machine for him.<\/p>\n

My friend had requested a \u201cfood visit.\u201d\u00a0 Twice a year, family members or friends are permitted to bring in a limited amount of food, which the prisoner must consume during the course of the visit.\u00a0 There are very specific rules concerning the number and size of the containers as well as the kinds of foods that are allowed and how they must be\u00a0 prepared.\u00a0 My friend had requested fried chicken, mangoes and watermelon.\u00a0 Fortunately, the prison does provide a microwave oven (also behind the yellow line), so food can be re-heated.\u00a0 Plastic forks and spoons were also available, but no paper plates.<\/p>\n

When we entered the visiting room (yes, the doors really do clang shut), we were directed to a numbered table where we were told to wait for our friend.\u00a0 There were three red chairs and one gray chair at each table; we were instructed to sit in the red chairs and our friend would have to sit in the gray chair.\u00a0 I was tempted to make a snarky reference to kindergarten, but thought it might not be a good idea.<\/p>\n

When my friend arrived, he was permitted to give my companion and me a quick hug before sitting down in his gray chair.<\/p>\n

And here\u2019s where my heart broke.<\/p>\n

I was in the rest room when my friend arrived (only visitors are permitted to use the rest room; the guard unlocks the door when you need it and you are locked in while you\u2019re using it).\u00a0 When I returned to the table (number 24), my friend rose, gave me the permitted hug, and then…he pulled out my red chair for me so I could sit down.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure where he learned manners like this, but I doubt that it was in prison.<\/p>\n

My heart broke a second time just a few seconds later, when my friend asked us if he could hold our hands.\u00a0 He sat between us at table number 24 and held our hands for the longest time…at least 45 minutes…before the lure of chicken, mangoes and watermelon became too strong.\u00a0 It dawned on me that among the things prisoners probably miss most, some kind of human touch, warm physical contact,\u00a0 must be near the top of the list.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about sex, although I am sure they miss that acutely.\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back.\u00a0 Few prisoners receive this on any regular basis.\u00a0 For most, family visits are limited, as most facilities are located in small towns in rural areas and visiting opportunities are restricted to three days per week.<\/p>\n

My companion and I spent more than three hours at the prison, talking and holding hands with my friend.\u00a0 At one point there was roll call.\u00a0 All the prisoners had to stand in a row in front of the yellow line and a guard came through with a checklist to make sure they were all there.<\/p>\n

And then, it was time to go.\u00a0 My companion and I gathered up the uneaten food and said our goodbyes.\u00a0 When we left, my friend, and all the other prisoners, were sitting in their specified gray chairs.\u00a0 They all looked hunched over, beaten down, and lonely.<\/p>\n

The drive back seemed long.\u00a0 My companion and I talked about our feelings of extreme sadness.\u00a0 We commented that the guards had been friendly and accommodating to two old ladies who were paying their first visit to prison.\u00a0 We remarked that the visiting room had a nice play area for children.\u00a0 We talked about the necessity for some of the rules.\u00a0 Why can\u2019t prisoners sit in a red chair?\u00a0 Why can\u2019t they put a quarter in the soda machine?\u00a0 Why did I have to blow my nose on a paper towel?<\/p>\n

There must be some reasons for these rules that we are not aware of, since we have no experience in the criminal justice system.\u00a0 And we know that people are in prison for a reason:\u00a0 they have committed a crime.\u00a0 We don\u2019t expect, and would not tolerate, a prison that resembled a country club.\u00a0 But still, we wonder:\u00a0 can\u2019t we figure out a way to punish and rehabilitate people without treating them like misbehaving youngsters?\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t they have more dignity if they were treated in a dignified manner?<\/p>\n

My friend has been in prison more than half his life.\u00a0 He has more dignity, self-respect and manners than most people I run into on the \u201coutside.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe this is proof that prison works, at least in his case.\u00a0 But I have a hard time believing that he, or anyone else, will be rehabilitated by sitting in a gray chair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No, I wasn\u2019t sentenced; despite a handful of speeding tickets, I have managed to avoid the caprices of the criminal justice system.\u00a0 I went<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":100,"featured_media":11681,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[294,715,119],"tags":[932,1250],"yoast_head":"\n