I\u2019ve just gotten off the phone with a pleasant but hapless young man named Nate, whose only crime is that he is trying to keep a roof over the head of his family by hiring on to a political research firm whose head is up its ass.<\/p>\n

Nate politely asked me if I\u2019d take a less-than-five-minute political survey, and I agreed, grabbing a pen and notepad, because these things often turn out to be blog fodder. And what fodder it turned out to be! Thank you, Nate.<\/p>\n

After establishing that I\u2019m a registered voter, almost certain to vote in the August 2014 Democratic primary election [which turned out to be exactly the demographic he was looking for], he said he was going to present me with some names, and would I please rate them on the old very-positive-to-very-negative scale.<\/p>\n

First, Bob Satelle. A name I didn\u2019t recognize.<\/p>\n

Then Steve Senger. Wait, Steve Senger? I didn\u2019t recognize that name, but I do know, I said, that there\u2019s a Steve Stenger–with a t–<\/em> who is running for office this year in my area. \u201cAre you sure it\u2019s Senger<\/em>, Nate?\u201d I asked. \u201cThat\u2019s the spelling I have,\u201d he said. \u201cOkay, then I don\u2019t know him,\u201d I replied.<\/p>\n

Next. Sam Page. Okay, now I know what election we\u2019re talking about. Sam Page is a well-known politician around here. So now I also know that this Steve \u201cSenger\u201d guy is actually supposed to be Steve \u201cStenger.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait, Nate, I\u2019m pretty sure you were asking me about Steve Stenger<\/em>, because he\u2019s involved in the August primary election you\u2019re asking me about,\u201d I said. \u201cSo, I think the people who wrote your script have misspelled his name. And people like me are going to not recognize him if the name is misspelled. And your data is going to be totally screwed up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll check on that after we talk,\u201d said Nate, helpfully.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, next name. Charles Dooley,\u201d he said. That\u2019s a prominent name around here, too, so I was able to rate him and help with the survey. But I\u2019m still chuckling about that Steve \u201cSenger\u201d thing, and I\u2019m starting to feel sorry for the candidate, who just may get my sympathy vote because this polling firm is so freakin\u2019 incompetent.<\/p>\n

And then, Nate asked me how I\u2019d rate Kathleen Burkett.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait, Kathleen Burkett? Kathleen Burkett? I think she died, Nate. Yeah, she died in April. She\u2019s dead, Nate, dead,\u201d I replied. \u201cYou\u2019re asking me to rate a dead politician?\u201d At which point I burst out laughing [apologies to Ms. Burkett\u2019s loved ones]. \u201cDidn\u2019t anyone tell you about that? This is the most screwed up poll I\u2019ve ever taken!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you calling me from, Nate?\u201d I asked, just wondering.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m not allowed to tell you exactly where, but it\u2019s the western part of the U.S. We poll in areas where we\u2019re not involved in the races, so we don\u2019t know anything about the candidates and can\u2019t inject bias,\u201d he said. Yeah, that\u2019s for sure: Asking me to rate a dead politician proves for certain that Nate\u2019s bosses really, really don\u2019t know anything. At least that solves the bias thing, I suppose.<\/p>\n

I was laughing my head off, but I didn’t want to hurt Nate\u2019s feelings, so I said, \u201cI\u2019m not laughing at you, Nate. I feel sorry for you, and I don\u2019t want you to get into any trouble. But you are working for some incredible dumbasses.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just paid to ask the questions,\u201d said poor Nate, who had endured my ridicule with amazing aplomb. \u201cThanks for your input.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve just gotten off the phone with a pleasant but hapless young man named Nate, whose only crime is that he is trying to<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":28745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2109,2114,476,119],"tags":[120,1258],"yoast_head":"\n