The right-wing Obama hate squad called me today. A very excited roboman informed me that he was calling on behalf of the Conservative Majority. “If the thought of another four years of Obama makes you cringe, you need to hear this message,” he said. Why?  Because “President Obama has an immediate plan to release terrorists from Guantanamo prison, to overturn the 2nd Amendment, and to allow the United Nations to tax Americans. These plans are flat-out unconstitutional. Our only choice is to impeach Barack Obama. We believe that he is guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors–not to mention the fact that he may not even be an American citizen. The Conservative Majority is the most powerful conservative lobby in America. If you want to more know about the Conservative Majority’s plans to impeach Barack Hussein Obama now,press 1 now.”

In case you’re interested, the number that appeared on caller ID when this call came in was 202-810-0485. I called it. It’s the Conservative Majority Fund, and the recorded message describes the group as a “political action group whose  purpose is to expose Barack Obama and his mysterious past.” It was founded in 2012, as “the most aggressive organization advocating for the defeat of Barack Obama through investigative research and tv advertising.”

So, how’d that defeat-y thing work out for ya?

This is why I keep a pad of paper and a pen next to all phones in my house. I take notes, so you don’t have to. But, geez: These people never stop, do they?

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I’m not young. And I’m not a Republican. So, Ann, you’re calling the wrong number. But I do appreciate the call—because it helps me remember what we’re up against in the 2012 election, and beyond. And gives me a chance to remind myself of what an obnoxious, alpha, mean-girl, snotty sorority sister you are. [Case in point: During the third Presidential debate of this election, you sent out this outrageous tweet:

I’m not even going to try to enumerate the ways in which this tweet is offensive.

But I digress. Back to the robocall.

After throwing around some numbers and statistics about the woeful  state of the economy—which is 100 percent the fault of President Obama, according to Coulter, I learn about what she calls Barack Obama’s “exciting” [her word, delivered with dripping sarcasm] plan for America.

“Barack Obama will turn America into a bankrupt, European, socialist nanny state,” says Coulter. “So, this is our one chance to defeat Obamacare. If we don’t, that’s it. Obamacare will be here to stay, andthat will be end of American freedoms and liberties.”

“If Barack Obama is re-elected,” she goes on, “the future is dim. America as a land of opportunity and freedom will exist only in the history books.”

And now the [bizarre and inappropriately targeted] pitch for me to join the Young Republicans. “When I think of today’s young people, I weep that you did not come of age as I did during the Ronald Reagan years of peace and prosperity.” She weeps! Where’s my box of tissue when I really need it?

“Our 2012 Vice-Presidential candidate, Congressman Paul Ryan, is a member of the Young Republicans,” she notes.  [And if that doesn’t inspire me, what would?]

The call finishes with a call to action, which I will most definitely heed: “If you want to stop these calls, dial 1-855-530-7774.” Call it. Press 3 to be placed on the do not call list. But then again, doing that will stop me from receiving future calls from Ann. And that would be sad.

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According to Dick Morris—the Republican political consultant and Fox News contributor who was the recorded voice on my phone a few minutes ago– “Barack Obama  is the biggest threat to the American way of life” that we face today. Morris, representing Citizens United, wants to tell me how bad President Obama is, and how I can find out even more about his nefarious ideas about America.

You remember Dick Morris, right? He once offered political advice to President Bill Clinton. Now he’s helping his Republican friends. But, hey. That’s where the money is. And I digress.

“Barack Obama doesn’t like how the United States was founded 236 years ago,” said Morris. “And that’s why my good friend Dave Bossie, the president of Citizens United—the group that Obama hates and fears the most—has launched a new project called ‘Obama: The Movie.’”

“With Hollywood in the tank for Obama, we’ve created this explosive production” that will reveal the truth about Obama, and which everyone should see, he continues. “It will help to dismantle Obama’s liberal agenda over the next few weeks.

The movie, first released during the 2012 Republican National Convention, is said to feature people who voted for Obama in 2008, but who are now disappointed and disillusioned.  I’m not sure, but I think Morris may have misstated the name of the movie. When I searched for it, I found its title to be “The Hope and the Change.” Maybe that title was too positive, and they’ve altered it since then?

Unfortunately, when asked by a live operator, “Which part of Dick Morris’ message did I like best,” I made the mistake of answering honestly. “None of it,” I said. And when I added that I wouldn’t trust anything Dick Morris said, she hung up on me. I’m sorry I did that, because if I had played along, I might have heard some more great, awful stuff about President Obama. And that would have made a better post. Okay. Next time I’ll try to be better, I mean worse.

The post Dick Morris—yeah, that Dick Morris—called today appeared first on Occasional Planet.

Here’s a new way to get people to answer a public-opinion poll: Promise them a free cruise to the Bahamas.

This morning, I got a robocall from an unidentified public-opinion pollster. After the voice told me that I had been “very carefully selected” to participate in this poll, he said that, if I answered the questions, I’d get two tickets for a free cruise to the Bahamas, paid for by “one of our sponsors.” How could I resist, right? Hoping to find out who that generous sponsor is, I pressed 1 and took the poll:

Roboquestion 1: What is the most important thing we need to do to restore America’s economic growth? Create more jobs? Institute a flat tax? Reduce the size of government? None of the above? [This question sort of tipped their hand. Let’s see, who would propose a flat tax as a way of restoring America’s economy?]

Roboquestion 2: Which party are you most likely to vote for in November? Democrat? Republican? Independent? Don’t plan to vote? [Well, at least they didn’t cut me off when I clicked on Democrat.]

Roboquestion 3: Overall, do you approve or disapprove of President Obama’s job as president?

Just three questions, and then I get a trip to the Bahamas? Wow, that was easy. Now, all I had to do was to press 1 to connect with an operator who would “arrange my tickets.”  I could almost hear the steel drums playing as I hit #1 on my telephone keypad. Press. Wait. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Busy signal. Disconnect. And…scene.

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For the second time in three days, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has robo-called me. Here’s a summary of what he said, with quotes from my notes.

This time, Huckabee is shilling for the National Committee for Family, Faith and Prayer. [In the call I received two days ago, he spoke on behalf of Citizens United. It turns out that NCFFP is a project of Citizens United. According to NCFFP’s website, the group’s goal is

“to raise public and political awareness of the filth and anti-Christian bigotry in America today.Christianity and its values are constantly downplayed and are in danger of being outlawed completely.”

.This morning, Huckabee is outraged that “the biggest atheist group in America—the National Freedom from Religion Foundation” is trying to “ban the National Day of Prayer.”

“Can you imagine a country in which we are forbidden to pray?” asks Huckabee. “If the National Freedom from Religion Organization wins, they’ll rewrite our Pledge of Allegiance, and we’ll have to change our national motto.”

Huckabee urges me to speak out against this effort now and to “defend our god-given right to pray for our country.”

He also wants me to fear that atheist groups will “force our children to learn about gay history by keeping god out of our schools,” and that these groups are “pushing our children to be atheists.”

Also, Huckabee adds, “President Obama is the only president to not give an Easter address, but to find the time for a Ramadan address.”

Unlike during his previous call, Huckabee doesn’t offer me a free copy of his book. But the live “assistant” who comes on the line after the robo portion of the program asks me if I agree that atheist groups are trying to forbid us from teaching about God and Jesus Christ in our schools, and then, of course, asks me for a donation to help with the fight.

Just thought you might want to know, in case you’ve been ignoring the toll-free numbers on your Caller ID.

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